Changes

I would say that this has been officially a week of bizarre dealings. In fact, within it, my life has flipped and reverted to older ways.

It was pretty unclear how my future was going to span out, but I think I know what I want to do, how to do it, and why I should do it. I want to be so successful that I'm going to rub it into your face. I mean.. not in a mean way.. just in a.. "hah" kind of way. Just kidding, sort of.

Occasionally, I think of the people that hurt you in life and whether or not we're truly okay after and if you can wholly forgive them. I see it as you're driving in a car on a road that was smooth and great when all of a sudden, these workers come out and start drilling holes into the road and you feel the steering wheel go out of control. It's hard to control, your hands become numb trying to keep it back into place. The only way you can get through this part of the road is to grip the wheel tightly, turn up your music, and go with the roughness. I love my friends. They're so good to me. I think I've been trying to compartmentalize aspects of my life, but I really want everyone to know everyone and for my Kenyon friends to know my Lafayette friends and for us to all cuddle together. ALLISAHN YOU MOTHER FUCKER COME BAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK.

In one week, my heart hit rock bottom, but I was fished back out by my loved ones. Obama is our president. Who would've fucking thought. Not to say that our country will immediately change, but wow, maybe the concept of theories and ideologies will return. What happened to our great orators? I digress. But best friends make sure that you're okay and call you to tell you funny things. New friends make you laugh and make drinking fun. Refound friends are the best and remind you of all the great things that you've missed. I miss the idea of not caring about anything, but we can't really do that. There's so much to care about in the world that it hurts.

But I guess, it's better to not care about you, not right now..

"I saddled up my pony right
And rode into the ghostly night
It was wide, wide open, wide, wide open

I left the only home I knew
I stayed alive and I found you
Now I take you where the water's deep
And make the air you breathe so sweet

But is it not enough to be complete? Please?
Let me give you everything you need, please?

We found a way, we found a street
Directions sweat under the sheets
And I let you have it, let you have it

But it can be a lonely place
Desire comes, desire fades
There's a bright one caught your fancy eye
It's okay so long as you stay mine

And I'm so number one that it's a shame, a shame
That you let other numbers in the game

Now I suffer for your hungry eye
Oh why must it see more than mine?
It's a light you're after, 'cause light moves faster

But when I ride again into the night
My torch will shoot flames strong and violent
And my absence will remind you of
How tough it is to be in love

And it's not what I think it's what you say, hey
And it works great for you to have your way, hey

But if the west can be a desperate place
You search all day for just a taste
Of the cold, cold water, cold, cold water

And if you think i've gone too long
Listen the sky will sing this song
As it burns up all the memories
That flow like water out of me"

I've never been so hurt in my life.